you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
