If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
