I'm sorry my penis didn't work
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
