I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I cockslap morals
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
