someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
