We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
it's great music for shaving your balls
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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