im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
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