All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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