if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
