I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
