u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
