She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Randomize
