I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Randomize
