His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I wish there were birth control emojis
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
