He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Randomize