It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
