Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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