your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What a dumb baby whore.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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