college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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