Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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