There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Randomize
