he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
