I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
