did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
