if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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