You're earring is so big in my mouth
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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