I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize
