i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
