I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
