What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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