Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
