Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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