ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
