It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
