So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
