wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
