i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Woke up backwards on a recliner
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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