Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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