The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
