dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
