# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
