He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
whose parrot is this?
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
