My cat gives me a boner
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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