Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
