when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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