You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Randomize
