I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
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