We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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