Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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