He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
The uberlube is also flammable
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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