after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize