i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
