We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
