apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
