So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
