Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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