Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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