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I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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