my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
