I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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