They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
