took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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