paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
