hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
