There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
