i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Randomize
