There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
