So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize