I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
