So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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