The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
