My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
