i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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