How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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