Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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